I stormed down the street
In a blind rage, homicidal and suicidal
Thoughts racing through my mind
Warm tears purge from my eyes
–confused and without a destination
I tried to take a breathe…wasn’t sure if
I was breathing, really
My head and heart ached
I wished for something better
I yearned for an answer
But all I could do was count on time

He opened his door, apprehensively,
Taking me in the instant he caught a glimpse
Of my wet face
A friend, at my side
Held me as my head and hands shook

A night full of uncertainty
Was to be filled with only a profile of blooming answers

Hours, minutes, seconds, went by with a
Heavy heart, a full glass, and broken pride
My insides turned aflame
I felt pain, yet, a deep sense of satisfaction
Thinking that I could somehow get back at you

It all became a joke
I laughed, danced, and yelled
Strange incantations of how much I loved and hated you
Deeper and deeper, I felt as if I were
On top
Of the world
I felt as if you couldn’t hurt me anymore

The world I was on top of
Spun around so wildly, I couldn’t control it
Just like how I couldn’t control where you go
Just like how I couldn’t control those tears
Or how much of that poison entered my head, stomach,
And blood
Just like how much I hate you, or how much I love you

The night goes on, and I can’t feel a thing
I numbed myself to anyone’s words – even my own touch
–Even you

In the night of uncertainty, in the cryptically satisfying
Dance of intoxication, in the crippling grasp of love
And under hate’s thumb
I was on the top of the world
Thinking I could somehow get back at you
In a foolish effort of self- empowerment
Somehow,
I still lost